I want to walk on stilts...naked
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
