Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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