We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
honey bunches of taint.
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can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
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Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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