Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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