I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
