I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
