She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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