summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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