Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
