First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize