i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
