their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
