Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Duck Duck Cougar?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
