I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
jump out the window naked night went bad
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
