he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
