I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My vagina just recognized that song.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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