Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
