I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
