This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
