i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
