Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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