I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
