so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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