Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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