maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
