You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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