we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
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The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
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He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize