I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
