Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
