My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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