When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
