terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
ok first of all what the fuck
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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