just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
