im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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