Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
