I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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