I wish they made helmets for livers.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
