this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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