He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
