love makes seman taste better
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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