good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
