eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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