Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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