What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
