is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
