there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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