there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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