Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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