she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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