I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
