I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
