fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
