What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I will be naked everywhere
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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