areolas are like halos for boobs.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
