I wish my penis had an off switch
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
