This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
