Porn is love you can see.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i will never coherently bang her
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
