Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
