I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just gift wrapped bread.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
