there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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