The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
