he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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