a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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